Navigating Holiday Stress: Apostolic Outreach
For decades our Catholic Church leaders have exhorted us to pay closer attention to the connection between culture and the Gospel. For example, Pope Paul VI in Evangelii Nuntiandi (No. 20) wrote that “the split between the Gospel and culture is without a doubt “the tragedy of our time.” In Redemptoris Missio (No. 52), Pope John Paul II wrote that the church not only transmits her own values to the culture, but also takes good elements which already exist in them and renews them from within.
As those who are sent to bring good news to those who need it, we need to be more alert to cultural variables which support Gospel ways of thinking and acting, and those which undermine them.
The culture of USA university campuses displays identifiable rhythms at particular times of the academic year. This article focuses attention on a portion of the year when helping university people connect gospel to their cultural experience could assist them in extraordinary ways.
Alert To The Pattern
These early November days are the lull before the storm. Often requests for help escalate exponentially a couple weeks before Thanksgiving until New Year’s day. A confluence of several factors emerge:
academic deadlines provoke pressure-packed anxiety
Papers and projects become due, exams are scheduled, etc. The irresponsible choices of more than a few students (and others) come home to roost. The reality crashes through the film of illusion, i.e., it is difficult to do the work of a semester in a couple weeks.
holiday issues stir the pot
Many experience the loss of a good family. Many feel isolated & marooned as “everybody else” has a happy home base.
sleep deprivation lowers immune system and confuses judgments
sickness runs rampant, especially in the residence halls
As much as working with young people captivates, this age-group is not known for getting 6-8 hours of sleep at night, eating a lot of fruits and vegetables, and drinking plenty of fluids--other than the one which will get them sicker, i.e., alcohol. So disease complicates the situation. Often those on campus experience themselves fighting off low-grade infections, hoping that they do not slide into some more-serious sickness. There is “no time” to be sick.
social media allures and distracts from the present moment
Many allow their time to be saturated with images of how good life is for others. This drains energy and sucks up time, leaving many not feeling good about themselves and sometimes depressed.
weather becomes darker and colder and wetter in many parts of our country. More than a few experience S.A.D. [Seasonal Affective Disorder] and many others have an “edge” about them.
So for the campus minister in touch with the people, the dynamic of the days between just before Thanksgiving and Christmas seems like triage—party, triage—party, triage—party, etc.
The Chicken Little Syndrome
In light of these pervasive factors, the escalated pressures flood-light the “chinks” in the armor. It feels as though all insecurities are exposed and everybody is “losing it.” Understandably the “Chicken Little Syndrome” surfaces regularly [The sky is falling, the sky is falling! One cannot imagine that it might just be rain]. The hyperbolic reaction in this folk tale rears its ugly head when “one more thing” pushes someone to the brink, similar to the proverbial straw which breaks the camel’s back. The back-breaking comment could be as simple as “she looked at me that way.” The comment is spoken with such vehemence, that it organically evokes this clarifying question: do you usually react so intensely when she “looks at you that way?” Predictably the person realizes that an accumulation of stressors has pushed him or her to the edge. A casual, chance encounter becomes a platform for self-disclosure about how EVERYTHING is a mess in life, and an intensity of emotions presents itself (often surprising even the discloser), and frequently ending with an expression of despair because because the unimaginable occurred, i.e., “the sky is falling, the sky is falling.”
As C.S. Lewis alerted us in the Screw Tape Letters, awkwardness and embarrassment have caused more harm. The resulting lack of control can open up new possibilities or shut them down. A random (or providential) conversation with a campus minister might lead to a next best step toward interior freedom IF the minister can refrain from laying on structured, programmatic responses.
Loiter With Intent
“Often it helps more than a little when campus ministers “loiter with intent” wherever the masses congregate, especially students.”
Often it helps more than a little when campus ministers “loiter with intent” wherever the masses congregate, especially students. For example, linger in food courts, the atria, bus lines, local watering holes, etc. The one simple-but-profound intention: communicate unconditional regard, i.e., I am with you no matter what. The faithful care through thick-and-thin empowers weak knees (Isaiah 35:3) and fragile, vulnerable egos. It seems less helpful to push programs in this tenuous situation. Instead, go “BE” with the people and let them set the agenda. If or when they sense a connection, they will reveal their frayed nerves and underlying needs. The deliberate modus operandi: go where the people are. Do not assume they will come to your office. Do not assume that if no one comes to your office, then I guess no one has any needs.
Seeing and sensing a calm and centered campus minister can provide stabilizing comfort in tumultuous times. Even for the masses who do not choose to talk individually with someone like a minister, more than a few alumni have described their thinking when they were undergraduate, graduate, professional students and faculty, staff, administrators:
“I would look across the atrium and see you ‘mixing-it-up’ with different
groups of students and I would say to myself—well, if the sky is falling,
this guy sure seems calm about it. . . .and if my situation gets any worse,
I think I can talk to him.”
On more than one occasion, after an alumnus has relayed this descriptive discourse about his or her thinking, the alumnus offered a subsequent reflection:
Even though I rarely talked with you explicitly about faith or anything deep
in my life, I always knew that I could talk to you whenever I got into a tough
jam. I still feel this way. This alone is a real support to me. . . . and that is
why I am here now.”
Indentify Trustworthy & Competent
Whenever negotiating troublesome times, it helps more than a little to have relationships with a few trustworthy and competent peers and a mentor or two. This remains true not only for those the campus minister helps, but equally true for the campus minister himself or herself. If someone does not have such relationships in a crisis, then it is time to develop them. These kinds of relationships help any time, but especially during a crisis.
Trustworthy
Trustworthy refers to a quality of character which identifies someone who can hold a confidence. No energy will be lost worrying about whether the peer friend or older mentor will have a couple beers and tell others what was supposed to be confidential. Telling others and having it mutate in the grapevine not only does not help, but also makes the complicated crisis worse. Choose a few peers and a mentor or two who has the capacity to listen carefully, to understand, to look at the situation from various points of view, and most of all, can keep the discussion between the two of you and God. No one else will get the “scoop” and fuel the drama which will complicate a problematic situation further.
Competent
Competent means that peer colleagues & mentors have what you need
to help you understand the complexities of the situation in which you find yourself;
to examine the situation from various perspectives which you could not identify on your own;
to offer several strategies, i.e., next best steps, for you to consider in order to maintain the movement to a better, freer place
Rather than get stuck and overwhelmed all-by-yourself, such accompaniment seems essential to growing through road blocks which present themselves in life.
Model Healthy Patterns
More helpful than talking a good game, embodying a pattern of healthy choices helps. Draw clear boundaries so people know when you are available and when you are not. Establish a clear pattern so that others know when you are reliably present. Of course this does not mean establishing a rigid 9 AM to 5 PM structure, as if the needs of people must fit the convenience of the campus minister. Rather, clearly demonstrate that you are available and approachable, ready and willing to give them the “lion’s share” of your time and energy, but not without limits. Only God is limitless. God has boundless energy, we do not. God is on-call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week; we cannot be like that. God is the one saving the world. We only need to discern our part of God’s big plans to save us. We do not live to work—not even for God’s work. We need to know how to play as well as work. We need to invest in our relationships with family and friends.
If a campus minister presents herself or himself as frequently exhausted and emotionally spent, a disconnect between theory and lived choices will be less helpful. Sometimes we can talk a good game, but not live it. When a minister says that she hopes someone has peace of mind, but the other senses that she herself is unsettled and anything but centered and tranquil, then the other often perceives the disconnect. One can only offer what one has to give.
Sometimes we talk about putting relationships “on hold.” For example, students will sometimes say that they are putting their relationship with God on hold and that they will wait until they get older to develop this relationship. On the contrary, relationships by their very nature are dynamic, meaning that they are always moving—moving closer together or moving further apart. The campus minister would do well to model taking initiative in their relationships with God, family and friends so that those we help witness that there is more to our lives than helping. To remain in this profession happily, one needs to find ways to embody healthy relationships. While the saying “preach the gospel always . . . . use words if necessary,” often gets attributed to St. Francis of Assisi, the admonition to all the Friars to “preach by their deeds” seems on point (St. Francis of Assisi, Orthodox order of Friars Minor, Rule XII). St. Ignatius of Loyola conveyed a similar emphasis when he said: love manifests itself more in deeds than in words.
As Deacon Dennis Corcoran says: the choices we make shape the lives we live. Our individual choices impact not only our lives as individuals, but especially those who care about us. Also: the lives we live shape the choices we make. This statement emphasizes the significance of patterns, habits. Good habitual choices and bad ones cultivate directions in which we tend to go. When we as campus ministers embody choices which demonstrate interior freedom, others in the academic community make connections between gospel ways of living and this particular time and place.
By Rev. Dr. T. Jerome Overbeck, S.J., Ph.D.
Loyola University Chicago